Shattered Souls (To Love and Serve Book 1) Read online

  I lie across the couch with my feet on his lap. He’s already set up the classic Tommy Boy for us to watch. We were discussing funny movies via text the other night and we both agree this one is great. As soon as the movie begins, he starts to rub my feet and it feels so good. He’s hitting all the right spots, pulling on my toes, and bouncing back and forth, showing each foot equal attention. What I’m not expecting is for it to turn me on. My panties are wet and I’m ready to take this party to my room, but I want him to initiate. I’m trying to stay focused on the TV, but all hope is lost when he scrapes his teeth across the pad of my big toe. I close my eyes and a slight moan escapes me when his other hand slips up the inside of my leg stopping just before he reaches my pussy. He’s being a fucking tease, and he knows it, but I refuse to say anything. He does it again this time, his finger gently grazes over my pussy, my clit is throbbing, aching for him to touch me.

  He places my feet on the floor and pulls me up from the couch. I can’t help but giggle at his urgency as he pulls me to my room. He shuts the door behind us and pins me to it with my hands above my head. He’s devouring my mouth, bruising my lips like it’s the last time he’ll ever kiss me. His hand slips into my leggings, his fingers wandering, finding their way through my folds. He goes directly to my clit, rolling it in circles, I whimper into his mouth. He rolls his hips letting me feel his throbbing cock dig into me. He’s solid and it only makes me want him that much more. I’m just about to explode when he pulls his hands from my pants. Walking me over to my bed he makes quick work of removing both my pants and my thong. He turns me around and presses my stomach to my bed leaving my feet on the floor. Suddenly I feel him sit between my legs, his hands are on my ass spreading my cheeks, squeezing them, and massaging them. “I love this ass.” I let out a soft moan. “Has anyone claimed this yet?” He pokes at my tight hole.

  “No.”

  He nibbles at my cheek. “Good, soon it will be mine.” He slams two fingers deep inside my pussy fucking me as he licks at my ass and my god it feels amazing, better than I could ever imagine. His tongue is poking at my hole as his fingers work my pussy. He again works me up to the point of explosion and stops, leaving me breathless on my bed. I feel his moist finger poking at my hole and on instinct I tighten up. “Relax baby. I’ll go easy I promise.” I take a few deep breaths trying to relax as his finger works it’s way into my ass. His tongue makes contact with my clit, sucking it into his mouth. My clit is so sensitive I nearly jump off the bed.

  “Oh God.” I scream not caring I share this place with a roommate. “Fuck, Keegs I’m going to…” my words trail off as my orgasm shreds me. He’s finger fucking my ass and sucking my clit at the same time. I’m trying to pull away because it’s sensation overload but he uses his free hand to hold me still and he’s just too strong. “Keegs please.” I pant and he finally let’s go.

  He gets up off the floor and says, “Be right back.” He leaves the room but I’m too spent to bother moving. When he gets back he shuts the door again and laughs. “Chloe’s home.”

  I groan. “Great she probably heard me and my big mouth.”

  “Oh, I’m pretty sure she heard based on the look I got when I walked out of your room.” I feel a warm wash cloth glide over my sensitive bits. He’s so sweet to come clean me up.

  I roll over when he’s done and stand up pressing my body to his. I look up into his eyes. “I know we’ve only been talking a short time but I really want you to stay the night with me?”

  He looks torn. “That depends. Let’s sit and talk.” He nods toward my bed.

  My brows furrow. “About what?”

  He sighs. “Listen, I’ve been trying to come up with the right time to talk to you about this and although this may not be the right time, I’m not sure there will ever be a good time.” He sighs. “Seeing how we both agree we’re ‘going steady’, I feel now’s as good a time as any.” He uses his fingers to make quotation marks to pick on my line from earlier.

  I shake my head. “What is it?”

  “I really like you Lexi and I’m worried about you. Chloe told me you’re still struggling with your nightmares. She heard you the other night.” I look down at the bed because I wasn’t expecting him to bring this up.

  “I’m not sure what you want me to say. I’m not going to lie and say they don’t exist because they do.”

  “I appreciate that. I would be upset if you lied to me, but you need to do something about it. We’ve talked about this and I want to help you.”

  I run my fingers through my hair in frustration, because I don’t know what he wants from me. I haven’t been home all that long, he won’t sleep with me because he feels like I’d be using him and now he’s on me about my nightmares. “What do you want from me?”

  He pulls a card from his back pocket. “Here. Call her. I’ve already told her about you. She’s not taking on new clients but because we’re seeing each other and I asked her to, she’ll see you. She specializes in this kind of thing.”

  I look at him with my eyes narrowed. “And what kind of thing is that?” I snap.

  “PTSD,” he says simply.

  “Who the fuck says I have PTSD?” I stand from my bed and start pacing the room.

  “Lexi listen, maybe you don’t. Maybe I’m wrong and it’s as simple as talking it out to make the nightmares stop, but I saw you the night you were wasted and I know it’s not the first or last time you came home like that.”

  “I’m going to kick Chloe’s ass.”

  “You will not. She fucking cares about you. She’s worried and so am I. How the fuck are you going to be an ER nurse if you can’t handle the nightmare’s you’re already having?” I whip my head around to face him. “Please. I want our relationship to go to the next level but you need to lean on me and let me help you through this. Go talk to her.” I cross my arms at my chest. I’m angry that he’s pushing this on me but at the same time I know he’s right. The ER is going to a rough place to work. He drops the card on my bed and says, “Call me when you’re ready.” He kisses the top of my head and walks out the door, but not before he hears me spout out.

  “Yeah the same way you lean on me?” He ignores me and continues on his way. I know the comment isn’t fair, but still I needed to throw something at him. How the fuck is he supposed to feel like he can lean on me when he knows I can’t handle my own shit, but is he really strong enough to handle both our issues?

  I hear conversation between Chloe and Keegan, but I can’t hear what’s happening. The front door shuts and she stomps across the apartment. I know she’s right outside my door. I stay completely still hoping she’ll think I’m sleeping but it doesn’t work. She pounds on my door. “I know you're not sleeping. Open this damn door.”

  I whip the door open but block her entry. “What?” I snap.

  “Don’t ‘what’ me. That man is trying to help you and support you and your being…” Her words fail her. “You’re being a bitch.” She pushes past me. “You know damn well you need the help. Why can’t you admit it?”

  “I do.”

  “You are wrong, you need…” She turns to me. “What did you say?”

  I sigh and plop down on my bed. “I do need the help.” I feel defeated, but they’re right. I’ve been considering it for a while now, and know I’ve been internally pushing it off. “Trying to find a counselor is so hard. I didn’t want to deal with it.”

  She takes a seat beside me and her voice softens. “Why didn’t you just admit it while he was here instead of letting him walk out like that? You two clearly have some serious chemistry.”

  I bury my face in my hands. “You heard, huh?”

  She laughs. “It was kind of hard not to.” She alters her voice. ‘“Oh my god, Keegs!’” She shouts, pretending to be me.

  “Shut the fuck up. You’re just jealous.”

  She laughs. “Of what? I got mine. It just happened at his place so you two could have privacy here.”

  I wiggle my brows.
“Was it good?”

  She blushes. “Oh shut up. You know I don’t talk about that stuff, and you’re changing the subject.”

  I ignore her totally. “What stuff, the fact he buried his cock deep inside you? Did you have multiple orgasms?” I tease her. I love that she’s totally freaking out right now. She hardly ever curses, and she never talks about sex. I’m the total opposite. I’ve always told her about my past relationships and how I got fucked silly.

  “How was yours? It sounded pretty good.” I bite my lip and turn my head. “What, you want to talk about my sex life, but we can’t discuss yours?” She shrugs.

  “Mine is almost nonexistent.”

  “That’s not what it sounded like?” Her brows shoot up in shock.

  I pout. “He won’t have sex with me until he’s sure I’m not using him as a numbing agent. Says he knows all about using sex to make the pain go away, but it doesn’t last long, and he wants it to be different with us.”

  “He is so dang sweet,” she gushes with a smile.

  “Yeah, he is.”

  “You know you need to apologize, right?”

  I nod. “Yeah, I’m going to shoot him a text right now, and then shower and go to bed.” She gives me a hug and walks out of my room.

  Lexi: Keegan I’m sorry. Can we meet up for a beer early tomorrow to talk?

  Keegan: Of course. Have a good night sexy.

  Lexi: you too

  “You look like shit.” Chloe has laughter in her voice as I drag my ass out of my room for a cup of coffee.

  Dumping sugar into my cup I take a seat with my black coffee, and enjoy a long slow sip, taking in the delicious smell as I do. “Yeah, well, that may have something to do with the fact I didn’t sleep last night.” I glance at the clock and notice it’s already after ten.

  “Another nightmare?”

  I shake my head. “I would have had to sleep to have a nightmare.” I take another sip of my coffee. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what Keegan said last night. I even took a few shots to try and stop my mind from racing, but nothing seemed to put me out.”

  Her eyes go wide. “Shots?”

  “Yeah, as in tequila.” I can see she’s contemplating what to say since she thinks I dumped the bottle I had. “Don’t even give me shit about drinking. I’m thirty-three damn years old. It helps me relax, and besides, I’m sure I’m going to get enough shit about it from this lady I’m supposed to make an appointment with,” I growl.

  She sighs. “I’m worried about you.”

  “Yeah, well don’t. I’m promising Keegan tonight that I will call her. I want this job with the hospital too bad.” I sigh. “And I like Keegan too much to not at least try. He’s so right for me. He understands me.”

  She smiles. “Did you talk to him last night after he left?”

  I shake my head no. “Only over text. We’re meeting up early tonight to talk before you guys get there.” I rub my temples. I’m so tired, and I have a headache, no doubt from the shots of tequila. I didn’t even pour the shots. I took a few chugs straight from the bottle I have hidden in my room. My eyes are getting droopy just sitting here thinking about how little sleep I got. I have no idea how I’m going to make it through tonight, but I promised Chloe we would hang, and I don’t want to back out on her.

  “Lexi, you’re sleeping. Go back to bed. I’ll wake you in a little bit to get ready for tonight.”

  “Yeah. Good idea.” I drag myself away from the bar, collapsing on my bed. I grab my phone to quickly check for messages, but I have none, so I leave it on the charger and roll over.

  “Staff Sergeant Morgan, I need you over here.” I finish dressing this bandage and run over to Callahan.

  I slide down into the dirt as shots ring out around us. “What’s up?”

  “I need you to give him a shot while I hold him down, and then we can put a kit on his leg.” I dig into my bag pulling out a dose of morphine. The guy is screaming in pain from his leg injury. I give him the injection, and in a few minutes’ time he starts to calm down. We apply the tourniquet at his calf hoping to save the majority of his leg but it’s not looking good. One of the guys comes running over with a litter, we need to get this guy out of here. As gently as we can, we get him onto it and run him over to the chopper that’s landing. As soon as he’s settled the chopper takes off. More gunfire rings out. McIntyre jumps on top of me protecting me.

  “Get off me and fire your fucking weapon.” I push him to the side and take aim.

  He laughs taking cover next to me. The shots are coming way too close for comfort. There’s a sudden explosion on the other side of the hill as a mortar is fired and the gunfire ceases. We take advantage of the silence and bolt back to our vehicles to get the hell out of there. When we get back to camp it’s almost dark. We all shower and hide out with a bottle of our good friend, Jose Cuervo, and drink until we can forget what we witnessed today. These are the days I’m lucky that people sneak this shit into this miserable fucking country.

  I sit up in bed with sweat dripping down my face. I take a few deep breaths, and that’s when my phone starts buzzing again from the nightstand. “Hello?” I answer without looking.

  “Are you okay?” I can hear the concern in Keegan’s voice.

  “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night so I was taking a nap.” I stretch and lie back in my bed.

  “Are we still on for tonight?”

  “Of course.”

  “Cool. Should I pick you up, or do you want to meet at the pool hall?”

  That’s a damn good question. I contemplate my answer. If he picks me up, then he’ll drop me off, and it may be easier to get him to spend the night. Then again, maybe he shouldn’t spend the night until I’ve met this lady. I’m totally infatuated with his dick, and I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t had sex for an eternity, or if he’s right and I’m trying to use sex so I’ll feel anything other than loss. “I’ll meet you there,” I finally respond.

  “Okay. I’ll see you shortly.” He cuts the call too quickly. I have a feeling he wanted to say more but is biting his tongue.

  I decide it’s time to get up and get ready.

  I’m waiting at the pool hall for Lexi to show up, and I have to admit I’m a bit concerned. She’s had a few drinks each of the times we’ve gone out, and tonight she’s meeting me here. If she hasn’t slept well and plans on drinking, the last thing she should be doing is driving. I take a sip from my beer. I glance over at the door once again watching for her and she finally comes walking in. She’s right on time and looks stunning as she struts across the room toward me. Her hair is down in loose curls. She’s wearing jeans that hug her curves, and black leather calf high boots. She has just a touch of makeup on. Her glossed lips turn up into a smile as she approaches. “Hey, pretty lady.” I pull her body toward mine.

  She bites her lip. “Hey.”

  “Can I get you a drink?” I ask her.

  “Water with lemon for now please.” She actually looks a bit shy.

  I turn to the bartender, and as requested, get her a water with lemon. He places it down on the bar along with a straw for her. I thank him and hand her the drink. “Shall we move over to our table to talk while we wait for Chloe to get here?” She nods. I take her hand and lead her over to the table I’ve reserved for us. I picked one in the corner of the room so we can have a little more space and privacy. There are two stools there along the counter. We both take a seat.

  “Listen, Keegan. I know I fucked up last night and I know I need to get my shit together. Talking about all the shit I’ve gone through and seen isn’t easy for me.” She sighs. “But I really like you, and what you said makes sense. I need to know I’m going to be able to handle this job.” I watch her as she struggles to get out what she’s saying. She looks up into my eyes, hers moist from unshed tears. “I’ve known for a while I needed to go back and have been putting it off, but I’m going to try. I’ll call the counselor. Thank you for caring enough to push me.
”

  She looks away, but I take her chin forcing her to look back at me. “I know this isn’t easy. Trust me, I fought the same fight, but you’re strong, you can do this.” I press my lips to hers. “I care about you, a lot, and I want to help you through this. I want to take care of you, and in more ways than one.” I wiggle my brows to lighten the mood, and it works, she giggles. I wipe away the few stray tears that have managed to make their way down her beautiful face and then press my lips to hers one more time. Looking deep into her beautiful blue eyes I whisper, “Stay with me tonight.”

  A small smile spreads across her face. “Are you sure?”

  I nod. “Yes, but you have to keep your promise.”

  “I will.” She presses up on her toes, wraps her arms around my neck, and I squeeze her tightly. Fuck, what is this girl doing to me?

  “Okay, you two, break it up,” Chloe announces as she walks over to our table with Lucas in tow.

  “Hey, girl.” Lexi gives Chloe a hug.

  “Lexi, this is Lucas. Lucas, my best friend, Lexi.”

  “Nice to meet you.” He holds out his hand to her and they shake.

  I put my hand out next. “Nice to see you again, man.”

  “How’s it going?” He asks as we exchange pleasantries.

  The waitress comes over to see if we need anything. I order nachos, wings, mozzarella sticks, and potato skins. Chloe and Lucas order drinks, and Lexi and I order water with lemon. While we wait, we decide to get started on a round of pool partnered in couples. Chloe racks up the balls and Lexi gets ready to break. I’m standing behind her admiring her fine ass as she bends over the table to line up her shot. Hot damn, my girl is fine. My poor cock has been itching for some relief and I keep talking him down. I’ve had to take care of myself three times now because of my thoughts of her. I need to stop because if I don’t my jeans are going to end up really tight. Chloe pulls the triangle off the table and tucks it back into its spot. Lexi takes the shot and sends the balls into a scatter across the table sinking a solid.