Shattered Souls (To Love and Serve Book 1) Read online

  He shakes his head. “That’s because you don’t know what you’re missing.”

  This is what I love about D. We can comfortably mess with each other. He asked me once if I’d consider giving him a go, but when I declined he respected my boundaries and moved on. I was flattered he asked me, but that’s just not my thing.

  Unfortunately, he has to work hard to prove himself. Some of the guys give him a hard time because he’s a gay cop, and when they found out we were roommates some of them thought I was gay. I go my balls busted, but D had my back. I didn’t really give a fuck what others thought but I appreciated it.

  Most of them are coming around, and it isn’t as bad as it once was, but there are a lot of old school guys who still don’t believe gay men are equal. D is one of the toughest, strongest men I know, yet one of the guys on the force has been written up for harassing him and calling him a pussy because he’s gay. If you ask me it’s totally fucked up. The guy busts his ass. Shit, I would be happy to be his partner any day. We were lucky enough to meet at the academy. We clicked and have been good friends ever since, unfortunately he’s spent the last fifteen years trying to prove he’s a good cop.

  “What are you up to this weekend?” D asks, taking a pull from his beer.

  Placing the spoon I’m using on the rest, I lean on the counter next to the stove. “The hell if I know. Some of the guys are going out this weekend, but you know me, I’m a loner.”

  “You know, if you keep turning them down they’re only going to think you’re hiding.”

  “I told them I had a date.” I stir the chicken.

  “But you don’t.”

  I shake my head. “Fuck no. I haven’t had a date in a while, but I have to tell you, Chloe’s friend is fucking sexy.” I tell him how I went with Chloe to pick Lexi up from the airport. I put a plate full of stir fry in front of him, grab a plate for myself, and take a seat.

  He digs in acting like he hasn’t eaten in days. D isn’t one to cook much, and from what I hear his boyfriend’s cooking is just okay. “Dude, I’ve never seen someone go from confident to shy in a hot minute like you just did.” He shovels more into his mouth. “Why don’t you ask her out.”

  “I don’t know, man. I have problems of my own, and she just came back from a crazy overseas tour. Chloe told me she got hurt pretty bad. I have to imagine that leaves someone messed up in the head.”

  “Just because your head is fucked up doesn’t mean hers is, pretty boy.”

  “Fuck you. You know what I mean.”

  He goes quiet finishing his dinner, leaving not one scrap behind. “Listen, I love you, bro, so I’m going to be honest and tell you like it is. You don’t want to ask her out because you don’t want to face your own issues. You fear that you’ll have to tell her your history. Well, here’s a reality check, at some point you need to man up and face your problems. Nightmares and all. Don’t let someone who will understand you slip by. This is your chance to be with woman who may really get you and what you’ve been through.” He slaps me on the shoulder as he stands to clean up.

  He leaves me sitting at the bar shocked. He never talks to me like that. He’s always just been understanding and supportive. He puts his plate in the dishwasher while I finish eating. When I’m done, I put my plate away and clean the pan we just emptied. As I do, I think about what he said, and how right he is. I definitely think she was checking me out as much as I was her, and with what she’s been through, maybe we are compatible.

  “Get out of your own head.” He pulls me back. “All I’m saying is, if there’s anyone you should ask out and get to know, it’s her. You’re attracted to her, and she’s faced some of the same shit you have.” I silently nod. He’s the only one I’ve ever discussed my history with. Even the doc doesn’t know everything about my past. I gave her the gist, of it and that’s as far as it’s gone.

  “I gotta run. Are you all right?”

  “Yeah, man. I’m fine. Go.”

  He pulls me in for a man hug. “I love you, man. I just want to see you happy.”

  “Thanks, bro.”

  He grabs his bag and calls over his shoulder, “See you at the gym tomorrow.”

  “Yeah you will.”

  Since I can’t seem to get out of my own head tonight, I’ve decided to head up the street for a quick drink before I turn in for the night. I’m friends with one of the bartenders there, and I haven’t been by in a while. I live within walking distance to Pier Six, which I love because I’m vehemently against drunk driving. I’ve seen too many people killed from it. I step through the door and Kiley, the hostess, greets me with a hug and a smile. “Hey Keegan. How’s it going?”

  “It’s going. I’m going to grab a drink at the bar.” I walk past her to find a seat. The place is rather busy but there’s an open stool at the end.

  When I slip into the seat Alex comes right over. “Hey, my man.” He puts out his hand and we shake. “Long time no see.”

  “I know. Work has been crazy.” He grins placing a beer down in front of me. He knows I always drink Sam Adams on tap.

  “I’m sure it has, I’ll be back to catch up.” He walks away to make someone a drink. My attention goes to the TV hanging on the wall. There’s basketball on one, and the news is playing on the other. I am trying to watch the game, but I feel like I’m being watched. I scan the bar and our eyes lock. She’s got a small smile on her face but her eyes look lost. I grab my beer and slip down to the other side of the bar where she’s sitting by herself.

  “Lexi, right?” I hold my hand out. She bites her lip and nods her head.

  Picking up her cup she sips her drink. With a slow smile spreading across her face she says, “Keegan, right?”

  “You got it. Can I join you?”

  “Sure.” I take the seat next to her.

  “Where’s Chloe tonight?” I’m surprised she’s not here with her. Chloe isn’t much of a drinker but she’s known to have a beer or two from time to time.

  “She picked up an extra shift and is working until midnight.”

  I narrow my eyes at her. “How are you getting home?” I can tell from the slur of her words she’s already had a few drinks.

  She kicks her legs out from under seat. “They still work.” She giggles.

  I chuckle at her drunken silliness. “Let’s finish our drinks and I’ll walk you.”

  Her brows furrow and her lip is pouty. “I’ll let you walk me, but in case you forgot,” she shakes her head, “I’m a combat veteran.”

  I nod. “Yes, I remember. But in case you forgot, I’m a cop, and there’s not a chance in hell I’m letting a lady walk home alone.” She bites her lip and blushes. She’s so damn cute. Her blue eyes are dull as she stares off lost in her own thoughts. I can only imagine what she’s trying to numb herself from. I’ve seen some pretty shitty things in my life, but from the stories I’ve heard, nothing compares to combat time.

  She’s just about done with her drink when I call Alex over. “Hey, man. Can I get our tabs?”

  “Sure thing.” He comes back over handing me two slips of paper. “Do you know her?”

  I look over to see her staring at the TV. “Yeah, she’s my partner’s roommate.”

  “She’s becoming one of my regulars.” I can see the worry on his face.

  I look down at her and then back to him. “I’ll get her home.”

  I sign both slips and take Lexi by the arm. “Come on, Lexi.”

  She holds onto my arm for dear life as she tries to stand from the barstool. She looks exhausted, and she’s drunk. This should make for an interesting walk back to her place. We’re taking the entire sidewalk up as she pulls me from one side of the walkway to the other. It normally wouldn’t take us nearly as long to get home, but she stops a few times feeling like she’s going to vomit. I finally get her to her building and she’s digging for her key. When she finds it, she tries to brush me off telling me she can get in all by herself. I can tell from the way she’s swaying there’s
no way she’s making it upstairs on her own. I take the key from her and open the downstairs lock.

  “You’re a good guy.” She leans on the wall to hold herself up.

  “Thank you.”

  I walk her into the building and over to the elevator pressing the up button. “Why are you helping me?” She pouts, and I can see the sadness in her eyes.

  “Because I understand what it’s like.”

  She gasps. “You went to a war?” Her eyes are wide.

  I chuckle at the expression on her face. “No, but I lost my partner while out on patrol, and was shot myself.”

  We arrive outside her apartment. I unlock the door and walk her in. As soon it’s shut, she pins me to it. “You poor man. Someone hurt this amazing body.” She slowly runs her hand down my chest. My cock throbs at her touch. I run the back of my knuckles across her precious face, tucking her hair behind her ear.

  “No more so then your beautiful body,” I whisper.

  She giggles. “You think I’m beautiful?”

  I nod. “I do.”

  I want to feel her lips against mine, and I can tell from the look in her eyes she wants it, too. I start to lean in and she gasps. “I’m going to be sick.” She runs off to the bathroom. I sigh, following. I scoop up her hair, pulling it out of her face. When she’s finally done, I grab her a glass of water and some Advil. I find her in her room, sitting on her bed, half asleep. “Take this.” She thanks me and swallows the pills. She puts the glass down thanking me one more time. Her beautiful blue eyes are drooping. I peel off her shoes and socks, tuck her into bed, and lock up before heading home for the night, torn over whether I should tell Chloe or not.

  “Hey, Destiny, it’s Lexi.”

  “Oh shit, girl, are you back in town?” She sounds excited to hear my voice.

  “Yeah, I’ve only been home a few days. Listen, I need you to hook me up. My car is at a garage in the city. Can you give me a ride to get it, and then I’ll take you out to lunch?”

  “Girl, you know I got your back.” Destiny and I go way back, almost as far as Chloe and I. Chloe and I have been friends since elementary school and I met Destiny in middle school. She was the rebellious one of our crew. She’s had a rough life but works hard. She plays even harder, and after the night I had I could use some fun.

  “I knew I could count on you. What time can you be here?”

  “I’m on my way.”

  I toss on some clothes, throw my hair into a messy bun, and head down to wait for her. When she pulls up I’m sitting on the stoop ready. She jumps out of the car and wraps me in a huge hug. “Look at you.” She shakes her head. “You look awesome.”

  “Thanks, it’s good to be home.” We both pile into her car and I give her the address to where my car is being stored. It’s a huge auto body shop that does towing, too. My friend Ted owns it, and he promised to take care of it for me while I was away.

  When we pull up to the shop I run in the front door where Ted is standing with his back to me. I know it’s him because I can tell by his short red hair. “I’ll be right with you.”

  I smile. “No problem, big fella.”

  He gasps and his head whips around. “Holy shit, Lexi.” He runs around the counter. “I didn’t know you were home.”

  “I just got in but I’m here for good.” He scoops me up and spins me around.

  “Where you staying?”

  “With Chloe.”

  “Still two peas in a pod.” He laughs. “Let me grab you your keys. I’d love to chat more, but I have a shit ton of work to do.”

  “No worries, Destiny is outside. She gave me a ride over while Chloe’s at work. We’re going to drop off my car and then grab some lunch.”

  He narrows his eyes at me and hands me my keys. “You know Destiny is trouble. You should have called me. I would have brought you your car.”

  “It’s no big deal. I’m just taking her to lunch to thank her.”

  “Yeah, well, from what I’ve heard, her partying has hit a whole new level. Do me a favor, watch yourself.”

  “I will.”

  He sighs. “I took good care of the car, ran it, and gave it an oil change recently.”

  “Thank you so much. What do I owe you?”

  “Get out of here. You don’t owe me anything.”

  “You sure?” I feel bad he’s taken care of my car and won’t let me give him any money, but I’m not surprised. He’s always had a crush on me, though I’ve made it very clear we are no more than friends.

  “I’m positive. I’m just glad to see you made it home in one piece.” He gives me one more hug.

  “Thanks again.”

  “You’re welcome, and don’t be a stranger.”

  “I won’t.” I give him a little wink and walk out to my car, which is parked in the same spot I left it in all those months ago. I jump in, turn over the engine, and she starts right up. With a huge grin on my face I pull out of the spot and Destiny follows me back to my place where I park my car right out front.

  Destiny rolls down her window.

  “Park, there’s a nice spot right up the street. I want to have a drink, and don’t want to worry about driving.”

  “Girl, you didn’t tell me you were going to make me exercise.”

  My brows shoot up. “Really. I don’t consider walking up the street to get some of Boston’s best chowder exercise.”

  She pulls over and cuts the engine. “Well, you didn’t mention chowder.”

  I laugh. “You can get chowder almost anywhere around here.”

  “I know, but it’s fun messing with you. I missed you.” She puts her arm around my shoulder and we stroll up the street. When we get there I tell the hostess we’ll sit at the bar. I like the bar, it’s comfortable, and the bartenders are friendly.

  “Back for more?” the gentleman from the other night asks, placing two napkins in front of us.

  “Yeah, and this time I brought a friend.”

  He nods at her and welcomes her. “What can I get you ladies?”

  “I’ll have my chowder, a bowl this time, and to drink I’ll take shot of tequila with salt and lime, and a coconut rum and pineapple.”

  “Yeah, it looks like it’s time to do some celebrating. I’ll have the same, but a beer instead of the rum and whatever.” She waves her hand at him, not remembering what I ordered.

  He shakes his head. “Tap or bottle.”

  “Tap, please.” She hands him our menus and turns to me.

  “So, what’s up?”

  “Nothing much, getting settled and looking for a job.”

  He drops the two shots and our drinks letting us know he’ll be back with our food shortly. “Here’s to my girl making it home in one piece.” She holds up her shot glass.

  “Hear, hear.” We clink the glasses and down our shots.

  “One more, bartender.” Destiny shouts over to the bartender who tells us he’ll be with us in a minute.

  Destiny and I spend the next hour having a blast. We’re enjoying some drinks, shooting the shit, and catching up. We talk about old times, like when we got in trouble in high school because we skipped and my mom’s friend saw us and ratted us out. It’s nice to be around someone who doesn’t want to try and get me to discuss my shit life overseas or the day I got hurt. I know people ask innocently, but it’s still too new, and who wants to relive a day like that? Trust me, no one does, and I know because I relive it in my nightmares, and it fucking sucks.

  “Let’s take the party to my place. I have a bottle of my own, and I’m happy to share.”

  Destiny smiles and says, “Rock on.”

  I pay the tab and we stumble out the door giddy like two schoolgirls. On the way back I thank her again for taking me to get my car. It wasn’t a huge rush since I don’t have a job but eventually I’ll need to get one.

  When we get back to my place I grab us each a beer from the fridge and tell her I’ll be right back. I run to my room and grab the bottle of tequila I have stashed a
way. “I don’t know if Chloe has any shot glasses,” I slur.

  “Who needs a shot glass?” She cracks open the bottle and takes a huge swig. I laugh. I guess Ted was right, this girl can drink. She’s had more than me and is fine. She hands me the bottle and I take a swig of my own.

  “This is just what the doctor ordered.”

  “What doctor?” she asks me confused.

  “The one who removed all the shrapnel from my body and saved my sorry ass.” I take a pull of my beer. “Can you believe he told me I was lucky? I believed him until I learned about Bailey?”

  “Who’s Bailey?” I look at her with my brows raised. Did this girl read any of my letters? I mean, damn, I wrote home to my friends all the time. I laugh to myself. Come to think of it, I hardly ever got letters back from her.

  “Never mind that. I’m the lucky one. I have scars lining my body from shrapnel, and head trauma that sent me home, but I’m in one piece the doctor said.” She just stares at me. “You know what I told that fucker?”

  “What?”

  “You try feeling lucky knowing one of your best friend is dead because she…” My words are cut off by Chloe who slams the door.

  “What the hell are you two doing?” She stands with her hands on her hips.

  “Have a drink with us.” I hold up the bottle.

  She shakes her head. “I think you’ve had enough to drink.” She grabs the bottle from my hand and puts the cap back on it.

  “I’m thirty-three years old, and I’ve only been home a few days, give me a break. Besides, I think I know when I’ve had enough.” But she’s right I can barely speak.

  “Chloe you are such a party pooper.” Destiny pouts and we both begin to giggle.

  “Destiny, I’m calling you a cab. You need to get out of my house.”

  “What is your problem?” Destiny stands with her hands on her hips.

  “My problem is my best friend has a drinking problem, and you’re encouraging it.”

  She looks at Chloe with one brow raised, ready to sass her. “She’s really mad, maybe you should go,” I tell her, tugging on her shirt.

  She grabs her phone and presses a few buttons. “I’m out. A friend of mine is going to drive me home.” She looks down at me. “Later, biatch. You want to party again you know who to call.” She winks at me and walks out the door like she hasn’t been drinking all afternoon.