Shattered Souls (To Love and Serve Book 1) Read online

  “Shit, step on it. That fucker has Julian.” I’m so angry I can hear the blood bumping through my ears as I pick up the radio and request backup. The second the car comes to a stop I pull my gun and run up his stairs two at a time. I know I’m breaking protocol but I don’t give a fuck. I need to save Julian. When I get to his apartment door, I stop to listen for a second. As soon as I hear a shot fired, I kick the door down and take aim. Julian’s mother is shot dead on the couch and Julian is on the floor beaten with a gun pointed at his head. “Drop it, fucker, or you’re next,” I growl.

  “You think you can kill me before I kill him?” He presses the gun to his head as I slowly step inside.

  “Do you want to find out?”

  He turns the gun to me and we both fire off shots. Mine nails him in the head and his nails me in the chest. “Fuck!” I scream out as I drop to the floor.

  “Keegan.” Julian jumps up and runs over to me.

  I hear Chloe’s voice behind me. “Shots fired. Officer down, I need a bus, damn it.” She kneels down in front of me. “Damn it, Keegan. Why the hell didn’t you wait?”

  “Julian would be dead.” She’s applying pressure to my chest when two paramedics arrive with a stretcher.

  “Lexi, let’s go, we’ve got an ambulance on the way. Gunshot wound,” Harper calls out, grabbing my arm as we race off to meet the paramedics. The doors to the vehicle opens and the men rush out rolling the stretcher. My eyes go wide and fear takes over when I see it’s Keegan.

  “Keegan. What happened?”

  The paramedics are rambling stuff off to Harper as we wheel him inside. “Julian is on his way. He’s hurt. We got a call, rushed to his house.”

  “Just relax, we’re going to take care of you.”

  “Julian’s been beaten, his mom is dead.” He licks his lips. “How fitting both my parents were killed by a junkie, and now it’s my turn.” He’s barely able to finish his words before he blacks out.

  “NO!” I scream out. “You will not die, do you fucking hear me?” The doctors wheel him down the hall to the OR where I should be helping but I can’t, not with Keegan. I run to the nearest wastebasket and empty the contents of my stomach as I cry. When I’m done Harper pulls me to a chair to sit with me while the doctors work to save his life. “God, please, I know I’m not a good catholic, but I need you to save him. Please,” I beg as Harper rocks me.

  Chloe comes running through the door. I’m out of my seat and in her arms in minutes. She has blood all over her, I instantly panic. “Oh my God, you’re wounded, too.” I begin scanning her body checking her over.

  She shakes me. “Lexi, I’m fine.” My eyes meet hers. “It’s Keegan’s.” That’s when I notice his blood is on my scrubs. My eyes well with tears for the man I love. I close my eyes and silently pray one more time. ‘I’ve already lost two people I cared deeply for. Please don’t take him away from me, too.’

  “Come, let’s go shower and grab you and Keegan some things and we’ll come back. By then, he’ll be out of surgery.” Chloe pulls me out of my head.

  “I can’t leave.” I shake my head in defiance.

  “Lexi, he is going to be in there for a while. I’m on my way to check on things. I will make sure they notify you immediately. Go change your clothes and I promise you will be the first person I call.” Harper looks me in the eye.

  Suddenly I need to get out of here. I need to find some comfort, and the only place I can do that is in my room.

  Chloe pulls up to our place and I can’t get inside quick enough. I run straight to my room and begin digging through my drawer. My brows furrow when I realize it isn’t there. I’m like a lunatic throwing clothes around my room, emptying drawer after drawer, but it’s nowhere to be found. “What are you looking for?”

  I jump turning to see Chloe standing in the door with her arms crossed at her chest. “You know what I’m looking for. What did you do with it?”

  She shakes her head. “Not this time. It’s gone.”

  “What? You got rid of it?” I scream at her, my eyes wide with anger. “How could you do this to me?” I pace my room pulling at my hair.

  “I did it for you. You don’t need alcohol. You don’t need Jose Cuervo, as you say. You need your friends. You need your family, and we’re here for you, but you need to lean on us.”

  My hands are shaking from fear, anger, frustration, so many emotions all at once. I have no idea what to do, because my typical go to is no longer available. My body collapses to the floor and I sob. “I can’t lose him, too. Please, I can’t lose him, I love him, and I need time with him, time to thank him for saving me, time to save him from his past.”

  Chloe takes a seat behind me and wraps me in her arms. “He’s a strong guy. You have to believe he will pull through.”

  “I need him to. He can’t die like this, not from a druggie he’s been fighting so hard to protect people from. It’s not fair.”

  “I know, sweetie, I know, but he probably saved Julian’s life, and I know that’s hard to keep in mind right now but it’s true. Now, you need to clean up and change so we can get back.”

  The thought of getting back quickly snaps me out of my funk. I jump up from the floor, gather some clothes, and begin changing with Chloe right there watching. “Stop staring at me and go.” Her brows shoot up but she says nothing. She walks out of my room to change as well.

  When we meet up in the kitchen she tells me she’s ready, so we rush back out the door, but because of traffic it’s taking us a bit longer. “Can’t you use that siren of yours?”

  “No. I can’t just use my siren because you’re in a hurry.” She shakes her head, angry I even suggested it, but I don’t care, I just want to get there.

  She pulls into the parking lot for the Emergency room and parks her car. We both run in to see a few cops in the waiting room, but Harper is nowhere to be found. I go over to the desk. “Hey, Jenny. Any word?” She shakes her head.

  “I’ll call Harper and let her know you’re back.”

  “Thanks, does Cheryl know that Harper sent me home?”

  She nods. “Don’t stress over it. Cheryl gets it, trust me.”

  “Cool.” I walk over to the waiting room where Chloe is talking with some of her fellow officers. They’re asking her what happened, and if she’s okay.

  She looks at me sitting in my chair with my head back against the wall. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, go.”

  She shakes her head. “Captain is on his way. He’ll be here any second.”

  The room is full of cops chatting waiting for word on their friend, and it feels like forever before Harper comes walking through the damn door. She walks straight up to me, squats in front of me, and looks into my eyes which are now welling with tears because I fear the worst. “He went into cardiac arrest but they were able to revive him. He’s lost a lot of blood and the next twenty-four hours are critical, but they think he’s going to make it.”

  I wrap her in a hug letting the tears I’ve been holding back fall. “Thank God,” I whisper as she rubs my back.

  She pulls away. “You’ll be able to see him shortly.”

  “Thank you so much.”

  “I also thought you would like to know that Julian is here, and he is doing fine. He has a concussion and some fractured ribs but he’ll be free to leave in a few days.”

  This poor kid. “Is he alone?”

  “His grandmother is with him, but you can go see him if you want, and I’ll come get you once it’s okay for you to visit with Keegan.” I give her a tight smile.

  “Hey, everyone. Keegan has made it through surgery. It was a little rough going for a bit but they think he’s going to make it.” The room erupts into cheers for my man and I can’t help but smile. He is lucky to be surrounded by an amazing team. “Let’s go.” Harper links her arm through mine and leads me to Julian’s room. When we get there my heart breaks a little. He is really badly beaten, and he looks like he’s in pain.

 
; “Oh, Julian. How are you feeling?”

  “My head hurts pretty badly, but I’ll be okay. How’s Keegan? No one will give me answers.” He looks panicked.

  “Calm down. He made it through surgery, and they are expecting him to be fine. I’m waiting for permission to go to his room.” I turn to his grandmother. “Hi, I’m Lexi. Julian has been working with my boyfriend.”

  “I know and I’m thankful to him for saving my grandson. I’m sorry he got hurt in the process, but if it wasn’t for him I probably would have lost him.”

  I nod. “He cares about him.”

  She sighs. “I know and I’m thankful.”

  I want to ask her if she is going to take custody of Julian, but that’s a personal matter, and I’m not sure now’s the time to bring it up. Instead we all sit quietly watching the TV. I glance over to see Julian is sleeping peacefully. “I’m going to go check on Keegan,” I whisper.

  His grandmother follows me out. “Please thank him for me. I know I wasn’t around much, and Lord knows I probably should have been, but I’ll make up for that now.”

  I place my hand on her arm and give her a gentle squeeze. “We’ll be there to help him through this.”

  I turn to see Harper walking toward me. “I was just coming to get you.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, that crazy boyfriend of yours woke up and asked for you.” She shakes her head. “He acted like he didn’t just go through major surgery.” I laugh. He really is a stubborn man. I say goodbye to Julian’s grandmother and hurry down the hall with Harper to Keegan’s room. When we get there the doctor is there checking things out and giving him an injection into his IV.

  “I’m just giving him some pain medication, but he’s doing fine.”

  “Thanks, doc.”

  He leaves the room and Keegan rolls his head to me. His eyes are already droopy from the pain medication. “I got the bastard.”

  “I know, you did good. Now rest.”

  He fights to keep his eyes open. “I love you, Lexi.”

  “I love you, too.” And just like that he’s sound asleep yet again. I curl up in the chair next to his bed to try and rest a bit before he wakes up again.

  “Mom I’m so hungry my stomach hurts.” Her eyes flutter open to see me sitting beside her on the couch. She looks sick, her eyes are really red. She shoves me off the couch and barks at me to go find food, but I’ve looked and couldn’t find so much a cracker in the cabinet. Shit, I would have eaten stale bread at this point. “There’s nothing.”

  “Then I don’t know what to tell you. I have no money and the fucking rent is due,” she shouts.

  Three loud bangs ring out from the other side of the door. Scared, I run to my room and slide under my bed. “I’m coming,” my mother growls out. My ears are on full alert listening for the footsteps. First, the click of the locks, then the door opens. I’m practically panting with fear of what’s to come. His heavy boots stomp through the house.

  “You look like shit,” he growls at her.

  The sound of bags has my ears on high alert. I’m hoping that means he brought food, but that also means one of us has to pay for the food, and if she doesn’t feel like paying up it will be on me. I continue to listen, praying for both food and that she’ll take care of it. He hurt me last time, and I’m not sure how much more I can take. “Keegan. Get your ass out here and eat.”

  I run out from under my bed knowing if I’m not out there soon, not only will they eat my food but I’ll catch a beating. My eyes go wide when I get into our little kitchen and find not only a hot breakfast was delivered, but groceries, too. Mom is busy putting milk into the fridge. Milk. I don’t remember the last time we had milk. She hands me a bag containing a breakfast sandwich, and tells me to go sit and eat. Opening the breakfast sandwich I shove a huge bite into my mouth, realizing this is all great but it’s going to cost us, I just know it is. I’m about halfway through my sandwich when I realize I need to slow down or I’ll be sick, and I really I want to savor it because it’s the only food Mom will allow me for the day. She may let me have some milk later, but she always rations the food he brings to make it last since she doesn’t have a job or any money.

  The sound of boots walking up behind me causes me to freeze in my seat. I close my eyes waiting to see what’s going to happen. “Finish up, boy. Someone has to pay for this food.” He kicks my chair and I flinch. He bursts into laughter. He loves that he scares me and I hate it.

  “Oh, baby, let me take you into my room and show you how much I appreciate you bringing us this food.” My mother leans against the door trying to get the attention off me, but she’s a mess, and he doesn’t like when he gets here and she looks messy. “It will take me but a few minutes to take a shower and freshen up.”

  “Nope, not today. You should have been up and showered, you know my rule, and to show you how serious I am, HE’S going to pay.” He stresses the word he as he slaps me on the back of the head.

  “Please, I will take extra special care of you, and I promise it won’t happen again.” At least she’s putting in an effort but she’s dumb. Even I know once he’s made up his mind there’s no changing it and I’m just a kid.

  He walks over to her with a cocky side grin on his face. I close my eyes and continue to eat because I know what’s coming and I don’t want to see it. “You promise, do you?”

  “I do.” Her voice is shaking. She’s scared, I know it and he knows it.

  He laughs. “How many times have you made me this promise?”

  “I don’t know but I get it now.” She’s going to cry, I can hear it in her voice, and it’s going to piss him off more. We’ve been through this so many times I can predict what’s coming next.

  A slap rings out and she drops to the floor. I want to run to her but if I do I’m next. I fight the urge staying put in my chair frozen, I can’t even swallow what’s in my mouth. When I open my eyes I see my mother on the floor tears running down her cheeks and blood dripping from her lip. I want to kill this bastard, but let’s be real, what the hell can I do? He towers over me and scares the piss out of me, literally. The first time he came over I was so scared I pissed myself, he beat me for hours after telling me he was going to make a man out of me. I learned to fight that real quick.

  He stomps back toward me, grabs me by my hair, and growls, “Swallow the food in your mouth, you piece of shit.” I quickly do as he asks.

  “Let’s go.” He drags me to my room. I used to kick and scream but that only made it worse. I’ve learned to take what I have coming, he leaves quicker that way. The door slams shut, he locks it so Mom can’t get it. “You know what to do.” I’m trying so hard not to cry but I’m losing the battle, my hands are shaking as I slowly begin to do as he wants.

  “Please, just go easy on me.”

  He laughs. “Sorry, kid, you’ll get it how I like it. Rough.”

  I jump up in my bed looking around to discover I’m an adult and still in the hospital. Thank fucking god.

  “Keegan, are you okay?” Shit, Lexi. I whip my head around to see a look of fear etched on her beautiful face.

  I close my eyes not wanting her to see me like this, like when I was a kid. I used to think if I couldn’t see you then you couldn’t see me. “Did I wake you?”

  “No, I’ve been awake for a while now.”

  Shit, that means she probably heard the whole thing. I’ve been told I talk in my sleep when I’m having nightmares, one of the many reasons I haven’t dated in a long time. I could never get my relationships to a point where I would let anyone sleep over for fear I would have nightmares around them.

  “Can we talk?” She sits on my bed next to me and places her hand on my leg. “About what?” I ask her concerned she’s going to make me relive this.

  “This nightmare and yesterday?”

  My brows furrow. “What about yesterday?”

  She looks nervous but continues anyway, “Well, this nightmare reminded me of som
ething you said when you first got to the hospital. Do you remember seeing me when you got off the back of the ambulance?” I shake my head. I don’t remember much of anything after I saw Julian on the ground beaten. She sighs. “You said something about both your parents being killed by a druggie, and now it was your turn. You blacked out after that and were rushed into surgery.” I’m trying hard to think, to remember, but I really don’t remember saying that to her. “Keegan, I thought your mom was still alive.”

  “She is, but has been dead to me for a long time, because of all the drugs and abuse. That must have been what I meant.” She looks worried.

  I take a slow breath. “When we got that call yesterday and I heard the address I lost it. It was like I was no longer me. I had zero control over my body. All I remember was Chloe pulling up to the house. I jumped out of the car before it had even fully stopped and shot straight up the stairs. I heard a shot and all I could think of was Julian. I thought he was dead and I freaked out. I thought I failed to save him.”

  She gives me a warm smile. “You saved him. He’s badly beaten, but he will be fine, and his grandmother is here with him. From what I hear you managed to kill the guy. Got him right in the head.”

  I nod. “His mother?”

  “I’m sorry, Keegan, but she’s dead. That was the shot you heard.”

  I close my eyes taking that in. “It’s what she wanted.” My words come out in barely a whisper. “The one time I saw her she told me Julian was better off without her.” That selfish bitch got herself killed, not caring what it would do to Julian, and I bet he fucking witnessed it.” A tear rolls down my cheek. I fucking hate this woman for what she did to him.

  His eyes are scrunched up tight and his knuckles are white from the fist he’s making. I’m a bit worried about him, he looks like he’s about to explode. “Keegan, I need you to calm down. I understand you’re upset, this hits close to home, but this is not good for you. I need you, and Julian does too.”

  “I’m done.” He fights through his emotions.